I am waiting

It was a clear morning. Or a hazy twilight. I am not sure of it. My cellphone shivered. And the text on its screen left me with the same effect. It was a special text from someone special. All it said was that I was no longer hers. I guess, it always had been the other way round, anyway. My mind went blank. I tried to call her. Seeing the failure of my numerous attempts, time shifted itself and witnessed me realise that I had already been blocked. I had expected, at least, to hear her voice for the last time. All I heard was the bleak wind gushing past my mind; proclaiming that it isn’t going to be something I would be longing to hear for the last time. Using a different phone as a means of my last escape, I texted her. Her boyfriend, new or old, I do not know, replied. He accused me of using her. Accused me of a million things. At the end, came the last accuse which left my mind numb. The phone dropped itself on the ground. Closing my eyes, I followed.
My eyes opened up in a strange world. A world which was more merciless that I had ever thought it to be. Yes, it had seemed to be a more beautiful place than I could have ever imagined, sometime ago. I tried to regain consciousness, failed, and knew for sure that this failure wasn’t the last of the series which was going to follow. Slowly I came to terms with whatever had happened. It all seemed like a dream. I yelled her name. Screamed hard that she can’t leave me. Alone. But that was what I was. I picked my body up from the floor. I felt myself going warm. Her boyfriend’s texts showed up. They were coming to me. Together.
I do not know if time had stopped itself slowly or elapsed quickly as it watched an episode.
Slangs followed.
I listened to everything. Being dumb, that was all I could do. Her slaps ended on my cheeks, the hardest I ever experienced. I stood with a bowed head as bauble drops escaped my eyes. Time watched me fall on her feet and apologise, for a mistake I had not committed, but maybe, it was my heart who was wrong. Her kick ended up near my eye. I felt myself fainting. The world seemed to shrink.
It was after a long time that I woke up. I stumbled towards the basin. The mirror tried to convince me to care about the blood on my lips and face. I moved out of my house. I could no longer endure being in the same place where lay a million dead memories of the nonexistent ‘us’.
I walked. My tears kept dropping. I crossed streets so familiar, and voices so recognised. But they all seemed so distant. I kept on walking for the next eight kilometres. I did not care where I went. My tears left marks on my broken spectacles, which lay on my face askew. I did not clean my glasses. The afternoon saw me sitting on the pavement, in the scorching Sun, beside nasty traffic. There were people. Not one to spare a look towards me. I walked back to the four walls that held the reservoir of her actions, voice and every little gift that she presented to me. I had not eaten from hours, and I did not want to. I went to the roof.
My emotions crumbled as they were rendered valueless, by myself, or my own world around. Or maybe a different world, that had already disembarked my stature. My mind retrograded to myself. No, it did to my broken self.
Whatever it was, my world was up. All over. That’s all I knew. I went back to my bedroom. The evening had melted into night.

My chest pain had increased manifold. I sensed it was my heart. All I could do was to press my hands on my chest, and try to breath in hard. I could not inhale. There was no sense of calling anyone and asking for help. I let myself suffer, as hard as I could. I moved to the washroom somehow, dragging myself on the floor. I let the stream of water fall over me and drench my dress that I still kept on. I stood there, motionless, for half an hour. I knew I could not sleep.
I moved to the roof again. I stumbled forwards and backwards, bewildered. I stepped on the bricked railing. I knew I could not balance myself. I guess it was what provoked me to take those steps. I staggered at the corner as I walked a few paces. I lost control and fell on the terrace. I screamed as if why it could not be the other side.

And then I returned to my prison.

Fell on my bed. Closed my eyes. And waited for the dawn to arise. The dawn of my life.

Months have passed incessantly.

And I am waiting.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: