Move on

11:32 PM – You miss someone who no longer thinks about you. You don’t cry, but the hole in your heart might ache for just a little longer. The dreams and promises you made, won’t make any sense anymore. The truth is, you still want it to happen.

11:45 PM – You call him up and tell him that you miss him and that you can’t live without him. He breathes a fresh and tells you that you have to. “Move on,” he says. You don’t know what to say. You pretend to understand and hang up, not rudely, nor angrily.

12:07 AM – You look around, aimlessly. You get up and begin to pace around hoping you could get past thinking about him. It ain’t easy that way. Is it? So you try breathing right. That doesn’t work either. You pick your favourite book, but you can’t focus on reading either.

12:13 AM – You pull your blanket over your head and force yourself to sleep. You can’t. And you don’t get that, you just can’t put yourself to sleep. No matter how much you shift or shuffle, you can not put yourself to sleep, accept it!

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12:33 AM – You put on some music to stop thinking about everything you’ve been thinking. Everything that’s going on that you can’t hold. In return, songs do you the favour by thinking for you! You turn up the volume. So loud that your ears can’t hear anything that your brain has been thinking. You move your feet and try dancing. “Something has to work,” you say to yourself. Let me tell you the truth, nothing does. Nothing works.

12:57 AM – You lift your phone and it seems strangely heavy. Maybe because it is holding all the weight of your memories. You end up reading all the old conversations and looking at every image on your phone. Each word that once made you smile, hurt you. Like a sharp needle piercing right through your heart. Each smile that once brought a wider smile brought, even more, pain.

1:19 AM – You wish you had not been in all those messages, all those pictures. Anywhere else in the world doing anything, but here. You hit ‘delete’ for every conversation ever happened and every image you have of the two of you. You smile and you feel better, as though your brain wouldn’t remember any of it any longer.

2:14 AM – You put your phone on silent and you look at the wall clock. “You need to sleep.” You say to yourself. The songs still play in the background. You light a cigarette and breathe. You let the rings in the air and just when you think his memory would return, you breathe the smoke and cough it out.

2:51 AM – “Focus,” you tell yourself. “You need to sleep. You can’t go on like this,” you say to yourself. “YOU NEED SLEEP,” you shout at yourself and walk up to the kitchen to drink water. Dragging yourself back, you slide yourself into the blanket. It seems warm, strangely warm.

3:06 AM – He takes the liberty to text you.“I am sorry. I was rude.” And as if a reflex or your instinct does it, you text him back, “Fuck you!”

(Picture source: Bustle.com)

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